10)  SEAN PENN:  Yes, I will never go to Mexico because Sean Penn may be there.  With my luck he would be staying in my resort while conducting a clandestine interview of a famous Mexican Murderer or worse yet, walking around on the beach in a thong.   The guy is strange, so I will just steer clear of anyplace he may travel and in this case it’s Mexico.

9)  HEAT:  I said it, heat.  I hate heat.  Heat makes me irritable, sweaty, itchy, rashy and hot.  Heat isn’t good for anything, even my arthritis.  In fact, my arthritis flares up more in the extreme summer heat than in the winter.  HEAT sucks almost as much as Sean Penn.

8)  NATURAL DISASTERS:  Yes, natural disasters can strike anywhere at anytime but I am pretty sure it would happen while I was in Mexico and the only person around to save me would be Sean Penn.

7)  BAD WATER:  I have heard that the water isn’t as bad as it used to be, not sure if that’s true.  But I have enough trouble with stomach issues at home on a regular day without bringing bad water in to it.  And with my luck, any bottled water they bring me would have Sean Penn’s picture on it.

6)  BIG WATER:  There is a lot of open water in and around Mexico.  Sure, it may look nice on the surface but unless I am in a pool I ain’t going in.  There aren’t any edges to hold on to and if I started drowning I may be rescued by Sean Penn…if that’s the case then just let me drown.

5)  DRUGS:  So many drug issues down there.  Police killing for drugs, drug lords escaping, tourists being killed for drugs.  There would probably be a big drug bust in my resort and of course You Know Who would be on the news talking about his “interview” with some long thought dead drug king pin.

4)  TEQUILA:  There is nothing good about Tequila.  Nothing at all.  It smells as bad as it tastes and people start acting weird when they drink it.  I wouldn’t even pour it over an open wound if I was lost in the Mexican Desert.  Sean Penn probably does ads for it down there so I’ll just stay away, Thank You.

3)  CRITTERS:  There are critters both big and small in that country.  Sure, some look cute but they probably bite you with tiny venomous teeth that will inject a venom so powerful you are dead within seconds.  The Sean Penn petting zoo will probably be right beside my resort.  Signs all over reading, “Come meet El Chapo the Chimp” or “Pet Madonna the Beaver”.  That would be terrible and you just know that the beaver would bite.

2)  THIEVES:  So many people get stuff stolen down there.  Cameras, phones, jewellry, prescription meds, I even heard of someone’s Tylenol and Midol being taken.  Poor Sean, we didn’t know.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST:

NUDE BEACHES:  Ewww, who wants to see Sean nude.

‘Nuff said for now and I am outta here.